Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
