He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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