is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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