Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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