Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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