a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
