go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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