guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
