Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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