It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
