Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
