Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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