I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
