Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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