i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
