I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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