You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
