I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
