Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
