There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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