if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
