here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
