You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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