The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
