What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
