you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
