My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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