You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize