I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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