Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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