accomplished twins. life is a go
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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