ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His nipple licking is glorious
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