Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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