Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
