I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
