She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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