we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
