Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
