Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
