I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
