I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
