Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
