guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
