Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
