i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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