Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize