Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
