I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize