Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize