By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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