Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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