I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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