Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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