This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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