I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
