nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
