he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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