he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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