i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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