I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
