you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
